The Murky Depths of Women’s Fashion

I may have mentioned that I recently moved from California to Austin, Texas. Austin is famous for people talking about it as if it’s the greatest place on earth. However, I have yet to hear this talk from anyone who actually lives here. Those who actually do live here — the women, at least — can often be identified by the uniquely unattractive style of running shorts they wear all over town. Pictures follow.

They confronted me from the very hour I arrived. You know those old movies where a city dweller moves into a small town in the Deep South, and the corrupt sheriff smashes his headlights, just to let him know who’s in charge? That’s what it was like, to come face to face with the teeming masses of those awful shorts the moment I entered town. Here’s a taste of what they can do to a person:

This makes me glad I didn’t vote.

What on earth makes women think they look good in these? They are flattering to literally no one. Here they are on an attractive, skinny model:

She has since fired her agent.

I call them “running shorts” for lack of a better term. I have never seen anyone actually running in them. Apparently women only want to be seen in them. At this point, you are probably lifting your hands to the sky, with a tortured look upon your face, silently mouthing the word “why.” I’m sorry. I have not the faintest.

Here they are disfiguring an attractive dancer.

They have the power to make attractive girls with lovely legs look shapeless and saggy. Even when they fit, they look like they don’t.

Please, women of Austin, take a close look at yourselves. Both in the mirror, and inside your hearts. Do you really hate yourselves this much? You deserve better than to degrade yourself with these ugly, ugly running shorts.

4 thoughts on “The Murky Depths of Women’s Fashion

  1. Mal: you make dealing with the sorority crowd sounds almost bearable and not at all hellish, but I think I’ll let you handle that without me. Also, my sincere thanks to everyone for not noticing that a couple of days ago I was making fun of bloggers who criticize the way other people dress. You’re the best!

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