Napalm Hell Roll

Since I’ve been busy making fun of other people’s marketing efforts, I think it’s time I showed off one of my own. It happened in a sushi restaurant.

Good sushi is something I’m especially fond of, and when I lived in California I had a favorite place that I went to regularly. I thought of it as mine, and in truth I had a pretty good claim to it. I’ve sat silently, bored, while other people claim to have “their” sushi restaurant. Nobody can compete with the level of access I was given to my place.

It wasn’t the world’s greatest sushi; there are others that are much more proper and elegant and that conform much more closely to the Japanese ideal. But that’s not what made me feel so at home. I was friends with the owner. I had my own personalized pair of chopsticks that they held for me, and my picture was in a prominent place on the wall. Okay, those aren’t big claims. Lots of customers had their own chopsticks and pictures on the wall. But I was the only one who had a couple of foosball trophies displayed on the bar.

And I was the only one allowed to do the lettering on their specials board. Of this, I was enormously proud. But not as proud of that as I was of the fact that they let me get away with some pretty dramatic creative liberties while writing it.

Here’s how it looked when I was done with it:

It has that ineffable Hoondat quality, don't you think?
I charged them nothing for this valuable service.

You can probably guess which bits I added. The Napalm Hell Roll was entirely a figment of my imagination; but here’s the fun part: instead of erasing the board and possibly slapping me like a sane restaurateur would do, they actually invented a Napalm Hell Roll, in order to conform to my ravings! Yes, that truly was my sushi restaurant and I miss it very much.

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