Fun with customer feedback

I recently dropped my cell phone off of a balcony, so I ordered a new one from the Walmart website. They have a nifty (or so you’d think) system that lets you ship the product to a store near you, and then you can go pick it up for free. But then they wouldn’t let me pick it up, for reasons still unclear to me.

That meant contacting Customer Service. That meant a lot of frustration, and my credit card being falsely insulted, and I still have no phone. The only thing I have left is the Customer Feedback Survey, which I’m reproducing here for the benefit of my readers. Because I know what entertains you.

I wrote:

My order is now sitting in a store near me and I’m not allowed to pick it up, because it’s got a difficult bar code on the box and Walmart has the coping skills of a Missouri college student. The order tracking has not updated since the day I placed the order. The onsite staff wants to sell me this phone, but they apparently are not allowed to. The website at was evidently designed by fugitive war criminals who want to inflict as much suffering on the world as possible, with features that include NEVER updating my order tracking, and a “Live Chat” button that DISAPPEARS a moment before I click it.

The only thing I know for sure is that I can’t get the phone I ordered because nobody knows what the hell is going on. Your entire online ordering system needs the same kind of fearless and searching self-inventory that they do in AA, with one difference: If I worked for you people, I’d drink as much as possible.

And you’d better believe I’m blogging this.

Because – oh yes. Phone or no, I still have a blog.

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