Mad Libs with a Lexicographer

This is probably not something you want to do. You might think, at first, that a lexicographer would be a lot of fun at a game of Mad Libs. You’d be wrong. I have never been invited to play Mad Libs with anyone a second time. It usually goes a bit like this:

Friend: This one is called ‘Going Caroling.’ Give me an adjective.

Me: All right, how about … fewer.

Friend: Another adjective.

Me: Six.

Friend: That’s not an adjective.

Me: Sure it is. It modifies nouns. As in: I beat six paraplegics in a footrace.

Friend: Okay, fine. Give me a number.

Me: Square root of seventeen.

Friend: Very funny.

Me: It’s a number.

Friend: All right, give me another adjective.

Me: The.

Friend: [Dirty look]

Me: It’s an adjective. Write it down.

Friend: Plural noun.

Me: Stoicisms.

Friend: … Another plural noun.

Me: Struthiosities.

Friend: I don’t know what that means.

Me: A condition or instance of being ostrich-like.

Friend: Use it in a sentence. I dare you.

Me: That’s what you’re about to do.

Friend: Why can’t you just say ‘dicks’ like a normal person?

Me: You wanted a noun. It’s a noun.

Friend: But it won’t be any fun in the game!

Me: I’m having fun. Come on, let’s keep going.

Friend: All right, all right. Adjective.

Me: Yours.

Friend: Know what? Forget it. Here’s what you’ve made so far.

‘Tis the FEWER season for caroling. Here’s how to make everyone’s Christmas a little more merry and SIX. Gather SQUARE ROOT OF 17 of your THE friends and family STOICISMS. Pick out a few classic STRUTHIOSITIES to sing, like have yourself a YOURS little Christmas.

Me: Best ever.

Friend: Fuck you.

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