How to Reject Rejection

Today I did something that will make every writer want to be me.

As part of the job, I’m always submitting my beautiful words here and there, and the inevitable rejections have a way of toughening the skin. But last night I got whacked in the face by a whole new level of rejection. A place that had already rejected me apparently lost track of their place in the process, and sent me a second rejection notice, months after the first one. You know, just in case I had forgotten that I wasn’t good enough for them.

I could have been dejected, but I realized they had handed me a stunning opportunity. I wrote back, and I rejected their rejection. Here’s what I sent:

Thank you for your latest rejection! Unfortunately our records show that you’ve already submitted this rejection to us, months ago, and it has already been through our exhaustive review process. Therefore we are unable to accept your latest rejection. For our teeth have already gnashed, and a very nice garment has been rent. As a writer, we have a poor dental plan and precious few garments; therefore we lack the resources to reconsider your re-rejection.

However, we remain flattered to have received this latest effort, and we stand in awe of your determination to make this rejection a memorable one. It feels a shame to pass on it, aware as we are of the many other writers to whom you will surely submit it once you recover from the pain of having your rejection rejected. We wish you the best in your ongoing rejection of other writers.

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