Hoondat Does Hollywood

Not that long ago, I was overdue for a good public humiliation, so I auditioned for a Hollywood quiz show. This is my story. Next time you’re afraid to get onstage and sing karaoke, remember this and find courage.

I got invited to try out because I was good at pub quizzes; I accepted because of my talent for embarrassing myself.

The audition happened late on a Friday afternoon. I took half a day off, hurrying home at lunchtime to shower and make myself presentable as quickly as possible. Then I drove to Hollywood, fearful of being late, because California traffic has always been semi-mystical to me. I ended up being more than an hour early, and my urgency became my undoing.

I was one of five people auditioning that afternoon. We were in the same studio where they filmed Dexter, and to get in we went through a doorway that said “Miami Metro.” We sat on benches in a hallway and were given questionnaires that asked a lot of very personal questions. One was “What is your most embarrassing moment?” I had no idea that my answer to that question was about to change forever.